Monday, January 25, 2016

Student reads syllabus, stuns campus

What? Someone reads these things? And for all these years, we had been lulled into thinking that the readership of a syllabus was only slightly less than the readership of our published articles.
Vanderbilt University is currently under lock down after a student reportedly consulted his syllabus before asking a question about the course schedule. At least one Associate Professor is in serious condition after going into shock, and several other professor have suffered mild fainting episodes.
Police have been able to confirm that Jose Gomez, a junior at Vanderbilt, had raised his hand during the first meeting of History of Western Art I. Cecile Brown, an Associate Professor of Art History for 16 years at Vanderbilt, then called on Jose for his question, but Jose is said to have responded, “Nevermind, I see it in the syllabus, here.” Brown soon fell into shock afterwards and campus police were soon called to the scene.
4:00 pm: Gomez has been released by police custody after his lawyer commented that, counter to popular thought, consulting a course syllabus is not a state or federal crime.
3:45 pm: Gomez remains in custody of police and is said to be fully cooperating with the investigation. Multiple background checks on Gomez—including the terror watchlist, the no-fly list, and immigration checks—have come back negative.
The FBI and US government is not yet classifying this event as a “terrorist activity”, however it is being reported that President Obama has been briefed of the situation.
3:00 pm: Cecile Brown, the professor suffering from shock, has been upgraded from critical to serious condition. A spokesperson for Brown has commented that she has appeared to regain consciousness. However, Brown’s doctor has said that she may never regain the courage to call on a student ever again in class.
 The source for this breaking news is PNIS, which describes itself this way: 

Welcome to the Proceedings of the Natural Institute of Science (PNIS)! PNIS is a part-serious, part-satirical journal publishing science-related articles. There are several types of PNIS articles: SOFD, HARD, Editorial, Special Papers, and SCI-NEWS. Please read our editorial for much more information on PNIS and the motivations behind its formation.
Which type is serious?
HARD (Honest And Reliable Data) is the serious PNIS sub-journal. Papers published in HARD use actual data that were collected in some way by the authors (for example, data collected from an Internet resource (and properly cited, of course), or data from an experiment conducted by the authors).
Which types are satirical?
SOFD (Satirical Or Fake Data) is the satirical PNIS sub-journal. Papers published in SOFD use data that are fabricated by the authors for some purpose (for example, fake data from a fake experiment).
SCI-NEWS (Scientific, Concise & Interesting News Entries With Satire) is where we publish satirical news items related to science and academia. These are the only types of articles in which we don't publish an accompanying .pdf file.

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